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All jokes on this site are rated PG
A blind man walks into a 711 store. He throws his guide dog into the air and starts spinning it from its leash. Confused the clerk asks the man if he wants something, the blind man replies " No thanks, Just looking."
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted & the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady & rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try & throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup & she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again & again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when................................................................ the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.
Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes,
charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in
Atlantic City.The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The blonde teamrides on the top level. The brunette team down below is having agreat time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything
from the blondes upstairs.She decides to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of
them with white knuckles.She says, "What the heck's goin' on up here? We're havin' a grandtime downstairs!"
One of the blondes looks up and says, "Yeah, but you've got a
driver!"
A woman on her way home from market was carrying a duck. A drunk staggered up to her and said ,"Hey! where'd ja get the pig?" The woman replied," You drunken fool, that's no pig -- it's a duck!" And the drunk said," Quiet, I was talking to the duck."
A wealthy couple prepared to go out for the evening. The woman of the house gave their butler, Jervis, the night off. She said they would return home very late, and she hoped he would enjoy his evening. The wife wasn't having a good time at the party. So, she came home early, alone. Her husband stayed on, socializing with important clients. As the woman walked into her house, she found Jervis by himself in the dining room. She called him to follow her, and led him into the master bedroom.
She turned to him and said, in the voice she knew he must obey, "Jervis, I want you to take off my dress." This he did, hanging it carefully over a chair. "Jervis," she continued, "now take off my stockings and garter belt." Again, Jervis silently obeyed. "Now, Jervis, I want you to remove my bra and panties." Eyes downcast, Jervis obeyed. Both were breathing heavily, the tension mounting between them. She looked sternly at him and said, "Jervis, if I ever catch you wearing my stuff again, you're fired!"